Beach hoping in the middle harbour of Sydney on the 1st of January. At my second beach stop, I felt like i really want to write down some thoughts. And because the last 50m to here had that amazing feeling, magnificent trees and colours, and this beach just resonate love, I thought I’d write about my heart to you as my coach through business and personal change I’ve made in such a short time.
You have taught me so much since I met you..I can’t describe how much i love what you write, your work, your teaching. It’s so natural, I can’t even sometimes see that it’s coaching. Because you teach me to be real, to be my true nature, to love, to understand love, to maintain it and to fully experience it. I’m not scared of love anymore. To me, I understood that love, my love, is something I own in me, in my heart, and that I can love freely. With no need for another person to accept or reject it. I can love as much as I love to and no one can take it from me. It’s free, it’s overflowing, it’s making me happy.
I also feel loved, and I’m not afraid of it. I take it with me everywhere i go, every night i close my eyes. I learnt to give it to myself, and today feel less lonely than I have been before. Your question earlier today made me realise this for myself.
Last night, I wasn’t too lonely. Because when I really felt like I wanted a caress, a soft touch on my skin, a gentle touch in my neck, i just closed my eyes and gave it to myself. I imagined. And there was no loneliness as I have experienced before. No sadness. But certainty that this moment belongs to me. I smiled.
I think learning to love without attachment is hard. Because a relationship is company, is laughter, is daily skin to skin, daily romance, adventure, discovery, sharing. And i have confused this with love, it made me feel sad at times. But now I realised that I love my freedom, free to love, free to be me, free to have it all after all. Why would i need anything else?
I’m still learning… I have fallen in love. And I know I can’t mix things up. Love and relationship is different and if I want to chose, now, I would chose love, no question. Because everything still exists, just in different form.
Finding balance between fantasy and reality is not easy. Dreaming and trying to be realistic is not easy. And sometimes, I do not see any differences between the two, everything is possible. There’s no limits, no boundaries to the possibilities. And I enjoy that thought.
Yet, I know when it is not real and i know I’m a dreamer. I love it so I keep it that way. I reset my thoughts and I do not have expectations. I really don’t. Why would I need to?
I know, all this because of your honesty from day 1, from day 0, from that day you met me in the coffee shop in Bondi when I first met you. You showed me that you are you and not shy about that difference, you showed me by your actions a long shortcut to another page.
All i wish is that I’ll find my way to do what i want to do… and find my way to love unconditionally. I have so so much to give and I love just exploring how to with you as my coach.
I know you will help me.
Thank you for being you. Thank you for helping me standing up from the shit hole i was in. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for being honest. Thank you for kicking my bum when it’s needed, thank.you for opening my heart, thank you for being a better person, thank you for helping me yet another year. Thank you for the fun, for making me laugh constantly, thank you for reducing my fears, thank you for helping me discovering what love and self love truely is. Thank you for caring and challenging me at the same times. Thank you for being so genius and working so bloody hard to share all of it to the world. You’re making an immense difference. Thank you for being you, Chris sunshine.