Relationships are meant to be a team sport. The incredible power of two individuals supporting each other can make the difference between top of the world and bottom.

What gets in the way is selfish nepotism.

I’ve seen it over and over again. A great team torn apart by self interest. When there’s a common purpose for a couple to work together then there is never a sense of sacrifice, there is only opportunity. One person will accept that the prime money earner is the prime focus for career opportunities. This is not inequality, it’s simple reality.

When a couple starts competing with each other based on some “politically correct notion of equality” they tear at the heart of the very advantage they have as a partnership. In all nature, things combine to improve the power of the group, not to rip it apart by selfish survival mentality.

Children are often used in families to justify choices when careers of the major income earner need to be the central focus of choices. Lifestyle also becomes a variable which becomes used to validate irrational and highly emotional disqualification of the purpose of the relationship.

When there is equality in income, then there can be a third variable in choices. This might be “opportunity” based. Which choice gives both or either party the best option of growth and development.

Throwing the “equal opportunity” card into the debate on decisions is a misinterpretation of the intent of “equality.” Does the cleaner in the building have equalised voice on company strategy to the CEO? Does the apprentice on the building site have equal voice to the site manager with 30 years experience? No of course not. Equality means discrimination. We discriminate the value of each voice, it is not a catchall ideal for all people to have equal say. There is always a hierarchy and when there are two people or two thousand, when that heirarchy is unclear, or falsely created out of threat or fear, stress and anxiety comes to the surface for all in play.

Anxiety has been labelled the biggest illness in the USA for 2019. Not fear. Not stress. Anxiety.

Anxiety is uncertainty about the future and it foundationally stems from a lack of respect for leadership. When leaders cannot put hierarchy in a healthy structure a sense of “equality” turns the vocal minority into the dominant force. This is a new problem we face at home or at work. Who leads and do we trust their prediction.

In my home, my income is at present the primary one. Hence, where we live and locate ourselves is primarily my choice based on where I can best deliver my service to the world. However, i can do this anywhere, so it gives us flexibility. My partner may need to travel or want to live elsewhere for her career, and as long as my business is not affected negatively, we are free to follow her need. If roles were reversed, I would happily follow her direction. This is the true power of teamwork. One must follow the other – otherwise it ends up being a compromise, and both suffer, get angry and blow the value of the team collaboration out the window.