Vulnerability is not your true nature. Confidence is. If you are feeling vulnerable it is because you have lost touch with your true nature and nature. In this article I would like to help you, if you are feeling vulnerable, to reconnect with your true nature and feel the confidence it brings automaticaly.
Confidence means you are the same strength, no matter who you are with, or where you are. Your true nature means you have the same inner quality when meeting a beggar or when meeting a King. When on stage you perform differently but are the same person, identical to who you are offstage. Real confidence means when you are alone you are no different than when you are with friends. This is the mark of a person who has uncovered their true nature; you are centred, completely natural. There’s no pretence. When there’s is no need to pretend, there is no act. You simply be. If a cat pretends to be a dog it may be fascinating for a while but after a while you will tire of it. Falsehood has no place in life because your true nature is the axis around which you live your life. This includes handling discomfort and pain. Can you imagine being confident enough to welcome pain with the same openness as you welcome pleasure? For me, this is a real challenge.
Self confidence is a silent power. It is felt in the softness of your disposition and the power of your concentration. It is felt in your strength of conviction. It requires constant maintenance. When you are tempted to become emotional over big or small things it’s a real choice to deal with this naturally and internally. The power of self confidence requires that you remain balanced no matter what happens. Your life habit is to continually seek balance. You make the continual effort to not be triggered into one-sided thinking. You avoid making a stand, you do not wish to be right because you understand that everything in this world is built in duality and therefore to stand on one side or the other breeds emotional imbalance and there is no security, no confidence in emotion. If you have imbalance you will have significant challenges.
There is false confidence, a satisfaction that might last days or even months where you might belittle somebody. This always makes us feel confident for a while. When we put down a person and imply that they are worse or not as good as you or even the average person, you do not do yourself any confidence favours. Temporary confidence through superiority leads to calamity, disaster and humbling circumstances.
Similarly, you do not want to take credit or blame for what goes on around you. You pass it on. If you win, be the same as if you lose. If you lose be the same as if you win. Every cloud has a silver lining and every silver lining has a cloud. Become very aware of taking credit for success or achievement. This chest beating might be a celebration of sorts but it’s wise to eventually pass it on, nothing comes from you, only through you. A higher power is acting, pass it on.
The swings of the mind to be confident and then lack confidence, to being all or nothing are habitual. Once a person starts measuring their life based on their ego-personality they become trapped in all or nothing thinking. But you can use this all or nothing thinking in better ways. You can say I am all confident and nothing insecure. To achieve that you’ll need to avoid acting or expressing your emotions, to learn to feel and experience emotions, but not trust or act on them, to process them, this is the nothing. The all is to act with intention and purpose. When you act with purpose, always, you gain a confidence in those things that are important. I’d go so far as to say “you have certainty.”
Certainty is rarely based on result. Certainty is based on process. Effort can be measured with certainty, outcome cannot. One cannot say “I have certainty that my work will result in x.y.z but I have absolute certainty that I want x,y,z and, I have absolute certainty that the effort I put in is directed toward that outcome. You can have certainty in universal laws too.
Many people seek remedy for life pain by trying to avoid it or seeking more pleasure. Then, they lose certainty of anything because they do not have a conviction about the outcome, they cannot say “I am certain that I want this result” and they cannot say “I have certainty that the process I apply – the effort – is genuine.” They run to be right to create an emotional result and in doing so they feed their addiction to the swings of the mind. They want the high but rue the low. Then they become insecure at everything because they are “on track” one minute and “off track” the next. Avoiding pain all their life. They get home on time. They do a good job. They are a fair parent. They are a nice person. This middle-ness is really avoiding pain at all cost. They don’t even risk having dreams because if that fails they might face pain.
It is very difficult for a person who lacks confidence in themselves because as they seek uppers and and avoid downers they get driven off track in relation to their aims, wants, dreams, visions. They say “I live in the now” but this is really saying “I walk a tight rope trying to stay above life.” That means they become imprisoned by their own needs for approval, short term gratification and happiness.
We know that happiness exists. There is no need to pursue it. Running toward happiness is actually running from it. We know that nothing of the senses satisfies the soul, so, gratification, of the senses, no matter how sweet, or sexy, or delicious or spiritual – is temporary. It’s an unnecessary distraction and for the confident person has no real pull. The key to confidence is therefore not in overcoming distraction of the senses, but rather in finding the satisfaction, the happiness of the soul which sits, already, irrespective of outcome, ready, already fulfilled.