There are five separate categories of answer to the above question. Each ties into one of Nature’s Five Universal Laws. To be comprehensive in this answer, I need to share all five. I will do so with as much brevity as humanly possible. As the quote goes “Sorry it’s a long letter, I just didn’t have the time to write a shorter one.”
- Balance… Single people have lots of time to rejuvenate, pamper, process, prissy, ponder, pontificate and produce. They can choose to go to the bank, sit in a bath, watch tv, eat chocolate, work late, fart, walk, go out, take a date, have sex, sleep alone, talk about anything they want with whoever they want. No guilt, no peering eyes, no judgemental overlord. So, the minute people get into relationships, some part of them is in serious grief for the days when they were single. And it’s any wonder. Being single, looks great, from the outside. But what many people forget, is that most of those benefits can be achieved in a relationship and that they were single and hated it. Otherwise why wouldn’t they still be single. So, the first answer as to why relationships fail is that we are perpetually dumb and blame the relationship for our incompetence at work, our lack of self management, our ridiculously busy lifestyle – in other words “we blame relationship for the crap in our lives.” When really it’s us.
- Evolve …Never have more people spent more time moaning about the inevitable than is done under the banner of “getting it right.” There are two reasons for it: pride (the devils helper) and ignorance (virtual reality). Pride generates shame, shame generates pride. So, when we cock up, say things stupid, make errors, we are so hard on ourselves that there’s no room left for anyone else to do it. Of course, that leaves our poor partner in the unenviable role of devils advocate. They get to express what we repress. So, if we’re beating ourselves up about something on the inside (even not knowing what it is) they express it. Instead of saying “oh, darling, thanks for being a total arse and expressing what I’ve been repressing, and saving me from cancer, self destruction and being fired at work” we say nasty things like “I wish you’d shut up.” Not smart.
- Interconnectedness (Evolve Part 2…. the second part of “getting it right” – virtual reality). If we’ve got unfinished business with mum or dad, (sounds like therapy but it’s not), we set up an expectation of our partner. If they behave in any way, even for one minute, one second, in a way that reminds us of that unfinished business we hated, disliked, judged in Dad or Mum, we react with “I’m outa here” Where to? Well usually not in a real sense, outa here, but in a commitment or romantic or loving sense. Then people start to see other people as attractive. As soon as someone else wins the “Who’s Your Best Partner War” that’s when virtual reality has taken over and the lunatics are now running the Asylum. Every human has every trait so that other person who looks so much different to the one you’re with, is just as dumb, just as reflective of your parent’s stuff. It’s just covered in greener grass. Always remember “what makes green grass grow?”
- Vibration … There are seven levels of thought, seven levels of brain, seven levels of change, seven levels of human being, and because we are adaptive human beings, we get used to what we’ve got and therefore drop into the lower levels of thought very quickly. Lets take an example: Recently I had back surgery. Before the surgery I was begging for pain relief. I went through the surgery voluntarily and knowing that one slip of the surgeons knife, I’d be pooping in a plastic bag from a wheelchair the rest of my life. After six weeks of recovery I could dance again. I went to physio, ate special anti-inflamatory foods, spent many hours in rehab yoga. Really looked after my new back. But day by day I got used to a painless back and wanted to do much of what I was doing before the operation. (can you see the adaptation happening). I gradually dropped the physio, got less frequent with yoga, ate a bit of inflammatory food, (there are so many good reasons not to do all that stuff). Eighteen months later I was in surgery again. We adapt, we forget, we take things (each other) for granted, In my book, Sacred Love” the byline is “the honeymoon that lasts forever” and what I mean by that is “do daily, what you do on your honeymoon” – be very very thankful. Otherwise you’ll adapt and then think with a lower vibrational part of your mind and yup, boom, bust, bang, you’ll vacillate between glad I’m here, and wish I wasn’t. This headspace is you, thinking with your bum, not your head and certainly not your high head.
- Priorities … People go nuts with their priorities in relationships. A man who might want a family as his highest priority, suddenly starts working seven days a week when he gets into a relationship, thinking that he’s demonstrating his commitment to family. A woman who has a career suddenly starts to want to hang out with friends, socialising, talking about make-up or whatever, thinking that they are now in a relationship and that means a shift in values. We are all bipolar, but those of us with strong creative and therefore dominant right brain strength, suddenly start to fluctuate on their priorities and values. This of course drives their partner to their left brain and the rift begins. One being all over the ship with their values and the other turning to stone in theirs. When we become wishy washy on our values we are fluctuating emotionally on something that is fixed mechanically. It’s like having an emotion about an island. “Oh, Tasmania, I don’t know whether I like that little Island down the bottom of Australia or not. Can they move it?” Values are set in stone. The only thing that can change values is a personal nuclear meltdown. That’s rare, so, usually all this values turbulence is just personal drama caused by mirrors, reflecting back unfinished business (see item 3 above)
The purpose of a relationship is not happiness. When the reason you are in a relationship is to get happy it means you were miserable outside the relationship and thought you’d be happier inside the relationship. So, don’t trick yourself or delude yourself that you’d be happier being single or elsewhere. No way. You were miserable before and so you need to deal with that, without thinking or blaming the relationship for it. A big key here will be “stop blaming your partner for arguments, upsets or disagreements.” It’s you… and that’s the way to cause love to be the focus of life. In nature, love means supported and challenged in balance. Disappointing isn’t it?