Although many people talk about calm and inner peace they very often leave out the fact that inner peace and calm depend very much on how your higher values are being supported.
Lets say you are in a relationship in and your higher value includes your career and wealth but your partner’s higher value is children and social life. If you start to run your career and wealth based on your partner’s recommendation you will become conservative and security conscious. You will be miserable because your higher value is wealth creation not conservation. However, your partner might be delighted.
Your partner might be delighted to have their values met until your disempowerment starts to impact their impression of you. As you lose your VIP – you mojo, your partner will start looking for others with mojo. All this because you decided to be kind and submit to their values as the dominant criteria for your life.
Anything that you perceive as supporting your higher values you label as good, or terrific. It elates you and warms you up. Anything you perceive as challenging your higher values you label as bad, or terrible. It depresses you and cools you down.
The art of communicating your values in terms of other people’s values is called “caring” when it is applied inside a close relationships and “selling” when it applied outside close relationships. So, it is better to control your higher values but do so in the language of your close relationships or clients – I.e Meet their values and thereby, meet your own.
This can be a tricky business. It sort of feels like we are surrendering our power to meet other people’s values but that is not the case. We hold our values secret and we serve others by meeting theirs.
When you feel betrayed it is because you expected others to follow your values. This is self aggrandisement. You hear yourself say “you’ve got to … or you should or ought to” this is expecting others to live your values. To the opposite you might hear others say “you should or you’ve got to do it this way” then they are expecting to to follow their values.
You can only trust someone to live according to what they feel will fulfil their highest values.